Fact set 2
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a fire to set off an alarm.
A birthday party was thrown by the First United Methodist Church women’s group to celebrate Mabel McCullough of Tulsa, Okla. 95th birthday. When it was time to cut the cake lit with 95 candles McCullough, with help, blew all the candles out creating a cloud of smoke setting off the alarm.
One of the guest Eddi Carlin said, “There wasn’t an inch to spare by the time we had them all lit, it looked liked a torch”. “We had just sat down to eat when we saw them in the doorway”. She’s referring to the 24 firefighters, who arrived in five engines and two ladder companies.
“In my 23 years on the job, I’ve seen a lot of things set off a fire alarm, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of one going off because of a birthday cake” said Fire Chief Lonnie Lamb. Though the fire fighters didn’t stay for cake, they did take photos with McCullough.
News Story # 5
Spilled apples blocked the northbound lanes of a highway, after a truck hauling apples lost control.
A trucker was hauling apples from Marysville to Sebastopol, and lost control of his tractor this morning around 8:30 a.m. The tractor was connected to two flatbed trailers that held 24 full apple containers. Robert Urbins, 55, from French Camp, Calif., said that the flatbed began “whipping” and scattering apples; he was driving at 55 mph.
The mess severely impacted the morning commute. When the accident happened, there was a mist in the air that made the roads rather slick, which added to the hazard after the apples spilled.
California Highway Patrol officer Wayne Ziese said that road crews had blocked one northbound lane of Highway 101 of Sonoma County.
The crews arrived at 9:45 a.m, having to clean up 10 tons of apples. The apples were all along the highway for about 200 to 300 feet on the pavement, as some of the fruit landed nearly 1,000 feet away along the shoulders and median strip. According to Ziese the apples had pilled up two feet high on the roadside. He simply said, “We’ve got applesauce all over the highway”.
In this accident no one was injured, only a motor home that was following behind the flatbed truck sustained minor damages. Urbins was given a citation that is likely to cost several hundreds dollars for the spilled load.
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Fact Set 2: 0+7=7/15
ReplyDeleteYour second sentence is passive voice and wads up at the end. How about: ...to celebrate the 95th birthday of Mabel McCullough of Tulsa, Okla.
You fixed the fact error but you didn't fix the problems with quote format. Please review that section of the text.
News Story 5: 0+10=10/15
This is better. Your lead is more focused, but remember the 5Ws and 1H -- you need to include "when" and "where" as well as "what" happened. I'd also tuck something about the impact on commuters into the lead, since that's a big part of what makes this story newsworthy.
9:45 a.m.,
had piled up
Start a new paragraph for each quote, and simplify!
“We’ve got applesauce all over the highway,” he said.