News Story # 1
Around 3:00 pm yesterday afternoon, an elderly man was rescued from his burning home in San Jose, Calif.
Robert Kent, in his 50’s, suffered second and third degree burns on 50 percent of his body. He was found on the kitchen floor, unconscious in a single-story home on Annapolis Way. The fire started in the kitchen and spread to the attic. According to Captain Rob Piper there wasn’t a smoke detector. When fire fighters rescued the man, he was surrounded by flames. He was taken to Valley Medical Center, where he was listed in grave condition according to a nursing supervisor.
News Story # 2
A high-pressure gas pipe was ruptured in the South of Market area, yesterday around 12:30 pm. A private construction crew was trying to repair sewer lines; in the process they severed a two-inch underground gas pipe with a backhoe. At least 100 people were forced to leave the area, including neighborhood residents. Due to the rupture traffic was at a stand still. Businesses such as Wa-Ha-Ka restaurant lost about $ 500 worth of business in the shutdown, says manager, Samantha Feldman. “Ask my customers, they were pretty irate” said Carlann Lauria. After long hours of waiting the gas was turned back o n at 5:09 pm.
Fact Set # 2
With the help of her friends from her women’s group McCullough of Tulsa, Okla., blew all 95 candles on her cake out. This created a big cloud of smoke, setting off the smoke alarm.
“In my 23 years on the job, I’ve seen a lot of things set off a fire alarm, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of one going off because of a birthday cake” said Fire Chief Lonnie Lamb. Though the fire fighters didn’t stay for cake, they did take photos with McCullough.
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News Story #1:
ReplyDeleteDon't start a lead with "when" it happened; start with "what" happened. In fact, start with the firefighters rescuing him -- that's dramatic.
Most people would not consider someone who's 50 to be elderly.
Using a delayed ID lead, and identifying Kent in P2, was a good choice. But you need more, shorter paragraphs.
16/20 - please revise
News Story #2:
The news isn't that a gas line ruptured; it's that a ruptured gas line snarled traffic and shut down a four-block area, forcing a bunch of people and businesses to evacuate. (It's that "impact" news value.)
* Paragraphs! News stories need short paragraphs.
* You need to identify Lauria's business.
15/20 - please revise
The feature lead (fact set 2) isn't due until next week, but you haven't really given me a "brite" feature lead here. Why don't you try again, and put this in a separate blog post.