News Story # 1
Lynn Rice, 74, of Norwalk in Los Angeles County, plowed her 1988 Cadillac through the front window of a convenient store yesterday evening. No one was injured.
After the crash, Rice tried to buy a six-pack of beer, but the cashier refused and instead called the police. Because of the state she was in, the store owner, Joe Awada, could not believe what he witnessed, saying, “I don’t know how she managed to walk”.
Due to a previous medical condition she was taken to the hospital for examination according to Lt. Han. She was then arrested for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence. She was released on a $ 15,000 bail, authorities said.
News Story # 2
Fact # 1
A construction truck barreled down a hill into a crowded grocery store parking lot in San Mateo today at 1:15 due to a mechanical failure according to San Mateo police Captain Kevin Nguyen. The truck hit a black sport-utility vehicle broadside. The impact dragged the SUV about 75 feet into the parking lot. About eight or nine other vehicles were hit as well.
One person was killed on the scene and three others were injured. None of the victims or the truck’s driver have been identified yet. This crash left the parking lot in a mess of crushed vehicles and broken glass.
Fact # 2
A motorist driving down Highway 1 at Devil’s Slide drove off a 150-foot cliff. The 24-year-old was driving his Mazda Sedan in dense fog today at 4:10 a.m.
The San Francisco motorist was heading north toward San Francisco, when he missed his turn and drove over the side of the cliff.
Luckily, the car landed on its wheels. The man was wearing his seat belt, and only suffered minor head injuries. He used his cell phone to call 911.
Rescue crews with the California Highway Patrol and Cal Fire had trouble locating the man because of the fog. When they finally reached him, 45 minutes later, he was taken to San Francisco General Hospital for observation.
According to CHP Sgt. Trent Ross, “ He did what he was suppose to do; he wore his seat beat” said Ross, who added that if the driver hadn’t been wearing his seat belt during the accident “ there is no doubt it would have been fatal”.
Exercise on pg 29.
After taking the Got What It Takes To Be A Reporter test I actually scored 28 which indicates that I'm a solid contender for a successful journalism career. The exercise actually helped me be more insightful. It somewhat gives me an better understanding to what to except in the near future regarding my career.
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1) Since the woman is not well known, you should make this a delayed identification lead. You might describe her as "A 74-year-old Norwalk woman" in your lead, then give her name in paragraph 2.
ReplyDeleteI'd also get something about her getting out of her car and trying to buy a six-pack in your lead. That is part of what makes this story newsworthy -- it's so unexpected.
In P2, you don't need to give a long prelude to what the store owner says. Just give me his quote -- that says it. Also, tighten this up a bit. Combine your last two sentences.
12.5/15
2a) You need to combine the first sentence of your lead with the first sentence of P2. The news is that a person was killed and others were injured when the truck smashed into a bunch of vehicles in the parking lot, not the crash itself.
7.5/10
2b) I know this sounds like a contradiction, but your lead has too much info ... and too little. It's too long (52 words in three sentences, instead of 25-35 words in one sentence). However, your lead also omits some key information: it needs to say that this guy drove off a 150-foot cliff at Devil's Slide ... and survived with hardly a scratch!
Drop "luckily" -- don't editorialize. Your last paragraph has two attributions from Sgt. Ross in one sentence. One will do. Rework it.
8/10
Reporter exercise: Good, but you'll need to keep working on your basic writing skills to do well in this field.
Fix: what to expect (not "except")
13/15